Random Discussion

''You must live your life''



I was thinking this all the time

!?

Hey,I wasn't talking to you when I told that boys are immature -____- and I didn't see your post where you wished me good luck,because many posted here don't have wrong conclusions

Gosh ... I just know whether I should include this in here but, here goes, they say being "older" means you've learnt from life, so time to use this to hopefully shine a light on the end of what seems to be a cold, wet, dark cave ...





No exaggeration, I was bullied for 5 years - every single day in high school someone would make a comment regarding my weight, or my appearance or how I had significant aptitude in some subjects ...

I used to hate P.E. every week because you had to get changed in front of all your classmates and that's when the comments came in " f*cking hell look at Robbie he's so FAT he'll never be kissed or have a girlfriend, he could crush a car by sitting on it" etc

One of the worst parts was the 2nd year of high school when my sister had a heart attack, I couldn't help myself but walked into my form class in tears, went up to my form tutor - who was the most compassionate and caring teacher in the entire school - and I told her about it.

She had to leave the room for a few minutes and someone asked me "what you crying like a baby for? come on, tell us, tell us (getting people to clap and shout along with him) "

So when I said "my sister's been taken to hospital, she's had a heart attack" the reaction of this person was to burst out laughing and came right up to me and said " I hope she dies"

My gut feeling was to punch him - but I didn't have the feeling inside, so I broke down into tears again.

A year later in school (year 9 (3rd year)) I made friends with someone who lived in Edinburgh and she was also getting bullied - it was via a website my school was on for students being bullied etc and we made a pact to self harm

I didn't want to make it obvious to my parents so I used to punch to my bedroom wall when no one was at home, so repeatedly now that my wrists click if I'm writing or typing etc

However at a point it did come obvious when I started to bite myself, I hated the way I looked, I couldn't stand looking in a mirror - in fact I still can't - so one night I bit myself on the arm.

The next day in school my teacher seen it - the bruise of my bite mark - and she became really concered, so much that she phoned my parents to ask their permission for me to see the school psychologists

I'd been chatting for about 7 months with this girl in Scotland and met some of her friends and it was sadly brought to my attention that she'd committed suicide - she took a mixture of tablets and carved her wrists - that's when I just couldn't face it any more, I felt that I had to give her justice, so I started to contemplate suicide myself, I was planning what to do and how I could do it

But one person kept coming into my mind - my sister - the strongest girl in my life, even if she has the weakest heart - she fights on and on and on and on every single day, so I told myself that day - no more, I have to let go of these sad pathetic people who've hurt me and just see sense that life isn't the same in school as what it would be now.

So I decided to pluck up the courage to take on extra lessons at school (extra subjects) I was offered Arabic but refused because people were calling me names for taking on extra-curricular activities - I regret never taking the subject on.

One day finally came in the last year of high school when someone who'd been tormenting me for 5 years thought it funny to laugh and say things at me in the school canteen because of me eating, so I stood up, picked him up by the neck, and without hesitance, looked him in the eye and said "leave me alone" - so he did - I put him down and he never said another word to me

I'm forever to this day grateful and somehow got through everything with the use of music and singing and writing songs

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Life isn't always a bitch, only sometimes