Sexuality

I cried reading this really...

I don't have to courage to tell my parents I'm gay (even when they probably knows bcs of my way of acting) because they always make homophobic comments, and show their dislike (sorry about my English I'm on tears) about LGBT community.

And I couldn't say this to my irl friends bcs I don't want them to worry more about me... :

The worst day was when we went to the centre of the city to celebrate my 18TH BIRTHDAY going to a pizzeria where my parents met for the first time. So the same day of my 18th birthday there was my city pride. And I don't think I need to tell you the comments a homophobic person says ... I felt devasted. I couldn't look at them ... And they are my parents ...

My friends even told me I could stay in their home for some time when coming out, but that's not the problem the problem is: after this days staying in friends home, what will happen ? I must return home, with my parents...

I'm a happy, and funny person (fuck I keep on tears) outside home, and at home I'm just me, the same happy and funny Ivo, acting very extrovert and (as some people say) acting very gay.

In some way they like how I am, but I'm very scared they will change their mind when coming out. Also I never had something with any boy, NEVER, and it doesn't feels good. Is like I wanna proof myself what I really like, I'm a male who loves men.

I feel like I'm just letting this rest here for the rest of my life in the internet, a place my parents won't find to barely known people, but feels great to say this shit.

I went to psychologist for another stuff and she asked me "is there something that bothes you?" And I couldn't say her that I can't tell my parents I'm gay.

This was 4 years ago, I'm 19.

Also, sometimes I look myself at mirror and I see a boy who wants to be a woman, but I'm not trans and I'm pretty sure about this. And this only happens like once a week or less. I always felt this, when my cousins wore skirts I always wanted to steal it and put them to me, I always wanted to dress like a girl in this "costume parties". And I did once, when I was 12 years old in a Summer Camp (ofc my parents don't know this). I felt fucking incredible, I was a diva dressed only with pink clothes I felt amazing, my girl friends helped me to make the costume, borrowing their clothes.


I just wanted to leave this here, like all this was inside me, and I needed to remove this from my inside me.

Thanks for reading~Ivo

After lots of confusion and sleepless nights, I've come to the conclusion that I'm a heteroromantic pansexual, who prefers cis men. Yeah, I know. For simplicity's sake though, I'm going to continue calling myself bisexual for most intents and purposes.

I've gone back and forth on a lot of things. I believe in my last post in this thread, I still didn't understand my feelings, now I have a more clear understanding of them. For a while, I thought I might actually be asexual, because I don't have much interest in sex. That just stemmed from the fact that I did not understand asexuality, I definitely felt and have always felt sexual attraction, and just because I may lack interest in sex (which probably also has to do with the fact that I'm a virgin), doesn't make me asexual.

This is a conclusion I've come to very recently, especially the pansexual part. A few days ago I joked about being pansexual, but after considering it further, I find it to be an appropriate label for myself. For the longest time I thought trans people were a massive turn-off, especially when it came to their genitalia. For whatever reason though, I've had a lot of interest in reading up about trans people and listening to what they have to say. For this reason, I've also stopped touting the "only two genders" talking point, because after reading and listening to actual trans people, I understand how it's more complicated than just basic biology. I still have many opinions about this topic, but this thread isn't the place for them. Through reading about the effects of HRT and SRS, I've realised that the genitalia of trans people is actually not as weird and off-putting as I thought it was.

I still believe myself to be heteroromantic. I have basically no desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone of my own gender (cis male), and it's not just because of societal pressure or not wanting to disappoint my parents. Regardless, I have a lot of sexual attraction towards cis men. I also believed that I had no sexual attraction towards women, but honestly, I kind of put myself into a box by calling myself gay all those years ago that it essentially turned into denial that I do still have different feelings about things. It's weird, I know. Usually people feel denial about being gay, and I also did for a long time before I called myself gay, but in any case, now I know that I was wrong to make that call so early.

Human sexuality is confusing man.

Human sexuality itself is not confusing at all. Confusing is categorizing it, which may feel necessary in todays society. But inventing categories wont solve any problem, because this is just separating groups. Every human is an individual and unique and so is our sexuality, which may sound weird, but imo its true.
Just wanted to say that, because I read a few pages of this thread and I am a bit surprised how much effort people put into putting their sexuality into a category.