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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2018 11:35:09 GMT 1
Idk which label best suits me, so I'll just screw it, but if someone asks me I'll just say str8 . Then just wait, time will tell.
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Post by Kenajabam on Jul 16, 2018 17:08:20 GMT 1
Human sexuality itself is not confusing at all. Confusing is categorizing it, which may feel necessary in todays society. But inventing categories wont solve any problem, because this is just separating groups. Every human is an individual and unique and so is our sexuality, which may sound weird, but imo its true. Just wanted to say that, because I read a few pages of this thread and I am a bit surprised how much effort people put into putting their sexuality into a category. I very much disagree. It's fine to not want to categorise and label yourself, but for many people it's what truly helps them understand their feelings. Human sexuality is confusing. To me, it seems like you're slightly contradicting yourself though, because I'd agree, it's not straightforward, everyone feels different in the end and no two people feel the same way, even if they might label themselves the same way, but that's what makes it confusing. It's absolutely fantastic if you're confident in your sexuality and know how to label yourself (straight, bi, gay, etc), but not everyone is. Therefore to bring people down for wanting to find ways to put their feelings into words is the more separating action here. Of course these labels matter to no one else but yourself, and you know how you feel inside, but it's just a bit more comforting to know you are also able to find words to describe how you feel. Labeling yourself with a simple label works for some, not for others, and forcing others to just fit into one of those categories and telling people they shouldn't put effort into discovering themselves is incredibly backwards and not what the LGBT+ community should be about. At first I did not want to reply to this topic, because I felt that I said what I wanted to say. I do not feel like that anymore. Your post caused me to think, thank you for that. I feel like my statement that human sexuality is not confusing at all was far too bold and stupid tbh. So I need to explain my thoughts further. What I meant by saying that, is that everyone knows how they feel, nobody needs any category for that. On the other hand, feelings are complex and developing, this is the confusing part, but you need no category. Instead you have to listen to your own feelings. Also human sexuality becomes confusing because of e.g. social pressure, but this does not mean that human sexuality itself is confusing. And now comes the part, in which I think fundamentally disagree. I dont believe categorising helps anyone to understand their feelings, because everyone is an individual and therefore also their feelings/sexuality is individual. It would help a lot, if society stopped putting people in categories and instead accept us as individuals. E.g. if someone would categorize himself as gay, he hasnt learned anything about his feelings, because he knew that he is attracted (mostly) to males anyway. I dont think Im contradicting me at that part. Everyone feeling different is not what makes sexuality confusing. [You could maybe argue that if everyone was the same, it would be less confusing, but thats not reality and thats also not a world I want to live in.] However this causes cazegorizing to get confusing. And I absolutely do not want to bring people down for putting their feeling into words and discovering themselves, but in my opinion categorising is contraproductive for this. Labeling you to the world may be necessary in todays society, because you cant explain your detailed feelings to everyone [I, however, refuse to do that.]. I think its very dangerous for yourself, if a label matters too much for you, because it literally puts your feelings, your thoughts in a cage. A label/category is most likely never fitting anyones sexuality 100%. If you think labeling yourself helps you, who am I to tell you to not do it. However [for me] its like trying to fit someone in too small troussers, it will never fit without any pain [that may be a stupid metaphor, but this just came in to my mind.] And its okay, if you think that some things I said are stupid. But dont let yourself be defined or restricted by categorising yourself.
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Post by Laurinda on Jul 16, 2018 18:53:05 GMT 1
At first I did not want to reply to this topic, because I felt that I said what I wanted to say. I do not feel like that anymore. Your post caused me to think, thank you for that. I feel like my statement that human sexuality is not confusing at all was far too bold and stupid tbh. So I need to explain my thoughts further. What I meant by saying that, is that everyone knows how they feel, nobody needs any category for that. On the other hand, feelings are complex and developing, this is the confusing part, but you need no category. Instead you have to listen to your own feelings. Also human sexuality becomes confusing because of e.g. social pressure, but this does not mean that human sexuality itself is confusing. And now comes the part, in which I think fundamentally disagree. I dont believe categorising helps anyone to understand their feelings, because everyone is an individual and therefore also their feelings/sexuality is individual. It would help a lot, if society stopped putting people in categories and instead accept us as individuals. E.g. if someone would categorize himself as gay, he hasnt learned anything about his feelings, because he knew that he is attracted (mostly) to males anyway. I dont think Im contradicting me at that part. Everyone feeling different is not what makes sexuality confusing. [You could maybe argue that if everyone was the same, it would be less confusing, but thats not reality and thats also not a world I want to live in.] However this causes cazegorizing to get confusing. And I absolutely do not want to bring people down for putting their feeling into words and discovering themselves, but in my opinion categorising is contraproductive for this. Labeling you to the world may be necessary in todays society, because you cant explain your detailed feelings to everyone [I, however, refuse to do that.]. I think its very dangerous for yourself, if a label matters too much for you, because it literally puts your feelings, your thoughts in a cage. A label/category is most likely never fitting anyones sexuality 100%. If you think labeling yourself helps you, who am I to tell you to not do it. However [for me] its like trying to fit someone in too small troussers, it will never fit without any pain [that may be a stupid metaphor, but this just came in to my mind.] And its okay, if you think that some things I said are stupid. But dont let yourself be defined or restricted by categorising yourself. I will section the parts of the quote to reply to different topics, not to take it out of the context.What I meant by saying that, is that everyone knows how they feel, nobody needs any category for that. I can't say that for myself. All my life I had no reason to believe I wasn't straight. But after messing around with the first guy I was left confused. I had more questions than answers. You should probably understand that there are many very young people on the forums and they're trying to learn about themselves. For some it might be smoother than the others. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's not. But you don't know for sure. Instead you have to listen to your own feelings. To continue with the story above, because I was listening to what my body had to tell me, and how I felt about the situation, I had to learn what it all meant. Why didn't it go as it should? Why wasn't I attracted to the guy, I'm straight, right? I went through possibilites I knew, but nothing really fit. So I went to look online. It took me hours and I was fascinated there was so much. I had no clue. And I just scraped the surface. I dont believe categorising helps anyone to understand their feelings, because everyone is an individual and therefore also their feelings/sexuality is individual. I'm not sure how the second part of the sentence justifies the first one. Maybe you just don't like the boxes. I like to imagine it more like spectrums. Because my sexuality (demisexual) is not very popular and sometimes not even accepted as one, I watched some videos of people talking about it. Did I feel like them? Yes and no. More like some and less like the others. I dont think Im contradicting me at that part. Everyone feeling different is not what makes sexuality confusing. [You could maybe argue that if everyone was the same, it would be less confusing, but thats not reality and thats also not a world I want to live in.] However this causes cazegorizing to get confusing. So you think getting rid of categories and labels would solve the confusion? People like to belong to a group and I'm not just talking about sexualities. Like here, ESC fans is a group or a label, millenials, gardeners, car inthusiasts, and so on. That's how we make connections, through common interests. Same when it comes to sexuality, people like to find more people like them, it's human nature. Even when you don't use labels you belong to a group. Labeling you to the world may be necessary in todays society, because you cant explain your detailed feelings to everyone I see it as a convenience thing. Not my label necessarily, but if you're a man looking for another man, you either have to find that information somewhere or ask them, which is hard if you like someone and if you're a shy type (aka like me). You obviously don't have to announce it. But if you're not straight and you bring a person of the same gender home and introduce them as your partner ... I don't know how that would go. A label/category is most likely never fitting anyones sexuality 100%. True! But it's the same with many things. No one is 100% male. Hormones-wise. Sex is determined by the genitals, but the system fails when it can't be determined based on that - intersex. Lately, people don't even want to be called male or female (gender fluid), but how do you refer to them then? The system fails again. But dont let yourself be defined or restricted by categorising yourself. This is a very good advice. If anyone does it "too fast" and then they have to come out again, people might not take them seriously, but we are only humans. We make mistakes. If I had to come out, I'd probably wait until I absolutely had to - when I got a partner and had to introduce them to my parents. (Even as a straight person, I find it unfair that only non-straight people have to come out). I hope you don't take it too personally. I just shared my views on your thoughts. I see you really don't like labeling and that's completely fine. Each to their own
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Eke
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Post by Eke on Jul 16, 2018 20:41:27 GMT 1
Couldn't have put it better myself really, thanks Laurinda. And Kenajabam I don't think we have a complete fundamental disagreement after reading your reply, so I can see your point too. But you can't really tell people not to label themselves, personally I find comfort in being able to find a label that generally helps describe how I feel, however other people feel as if labels will only define themselves in ways they don't want to be defined as and thus look beyond them. And whether it's one or the other, all of this is completely normal, in my opinion.
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alexeh
Retired Moderator
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Post by alexeh on Jul 16, 2018 20:44:38 GMT 1
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Post by Kenajabam on Jul 16, 2018 21:50:02 GMT 1
But you can't really tell people not to label themselves, personally I find comfort in being able to find a label that generally helps describe how I feel Like I said, who am I to tell you to not do that, if that helps you or makes you comfortable. However I would like people to think more critical, when they put themselves in a category, and dont feel the need to categorize their sexuality.
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Sexuality
Jul 16, 2018 22:43:10 GMT 1
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Post by inactivo (nq era) on Jul 16, 2018 22:43:10 GMT 1
But you can't really tell people not to label themselves, personally I find comfort in being able to find a label that generally helps describe how I feel Like I said, who am I to tell you to not do that, if that helps you or makes you comfortable. However I would like people to think more critical, when they put themselves in a category, and dont feel the need to categorize their sexuality. But if you don't label yourself, how do you know to name what do you feel ?
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Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
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Post by inactivo (nq era) on Aug 1, 2018 17:08:14 GMT 1
I'm in tears this "documentary" is so amazing
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Post by Gilberto on Aug 1, 2018 23:48:25 GMT 1
Labeling you to the world may be necessary in todays society, because you cant explain your detailed feelings to everyone I see it as a convenience thing. Not my label necessarily, but if you're a man looking for another man, you either have to find that information somewhere or ask them, which is hard if you like someone and if you're a shy type (aka like me). You obviously don't have to announce it. But if you're not straight and you bring a person of the same gender home and introduce them as your partner ... I don't know how that would go. Bless, sister.
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Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
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Sexuality
Aug 5, 2018 1:46:49 GMT 1
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Post by inactivo (nq era) on Aug 5, 2018 1:46:49 GMT 1
Here I am. After watching one chapter of my fav serie where a trans woman was accepted by society. Then I started to watch YT videos of trans women transition. And now I'm asking my friend if we can meet to paint the nails. And I'm scared af
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